he who increases knowledge increases sorrow….. (Ec 1:18).
I am immensely thankful that God is patient with a sinner like me. Yes, me. Truth is, the more I have grown closer to God the less I focus on the sin of others. Not to say that I’m fully there yet, trust me, sometimes I spend far too much time dwelling on the sin struggles of others.
However, I now see more than ever before, the depth of depravity within my own heart. The insecurities, pride, and fear that often resides within my own heart and mind, seeking to steal my affection towards the Lord Jesus Christ. As I see these issues within my own heart this keeps me from focusing so much on the struggles of others. I have noticed, now that I see my own sin more, I am compelled to pray for those around me with issues and struggles against sin. Yes, people who struggle against sin, just like me.
You see, this is the game the devil plays with us. The comparison game, where we start to focus on the sins of others, believing our own selves to be a saint because we have not hurt others like so and so. I’m just saying it because I’ve thought it and if I’ve thought it in my own pride, I know someone else probably has too.
I have listened to sermons thinking, I hope my husband heard what the pastor said. He really needed to hear that message. Yet, I was not humble enough to search the depths of my own heart to see what I might need to apply to my life. In my own immaturity, years ago, I remember going on a walk thinking my sin wasn’t that bad because I hadn’t committed such sins as _________________(fill in the blank).
It is true that the closer we increase in the wisdom and knowledge of God the more we see the need for our own hearts restoration. I’ll be honest, at first, I wanted to ignore what God was showing me. The pride, fear, insecurity, and issues with control. Something inside of me tried to convince me that embracing these realities, being open and honest about them meant that I was a disappointment to God and others.
Yet, there is no sinner to great for the grace of God and there is no sin too far from God’s love. But you see, my problem wasn’t so much receiving grace from God as it was letting go of my need to “look good to other people.”
Allow God to go somewhere deep in your heart. Seek wisdom from God and as you do, be prepared to have your sin exposed. This is for your good. Truly, it has been for mine. Do not hide from it, embrace it so that you might find your freedom in Christ.
Lord Jesus, you love me, Yes, you love me and sometimes I love myself too much. Oh Lord, please forgive me for my pride. Thank you, God, that you are working on my behalf. That I can have joy in you. Jesus, fill my heart with your love and truth. Help me, to be honest, and open as I battle against the sin in my own heart and focus less on the sin in others. Jesus, change me I pray, Amen.
Heather Quiroz 