Your Character Matters More to God Than Your Calling

Then the king ordered the guards at his side: “Turn and kill the priests of the LORD…(1 Sam 22:17).

Your character matters more to God than your calling. Saul, as a leader, had terrible character, and quite frankly, I have too. The Lord is taking me deeper into this place of refining my character. To wait, watch and listen for His voice. This is requiring me to simply trust and obey. Not things that I’ve been very good at.

Obedience is one of the greatest keys to unlock deeper faith and maturity in our life. As I look back on my earlier years of faith and my role as a wife, minister, friend, daughter, etc. I cringe at how easily I hurt people because of my lack of a Christ-like character. I am still appalled at the thoughts that run like wildfire through my head at times about others. Truly, this is the place of refinement God is taking me into. A place of personal growth where He’s ripping out old things so that He can do a new thing.

That’s still hard for me to wrap my mind around, but we’re not asked to understand it all. We’re simply asked to submit ourselves and obey God.

Obedience is one of the greatest keys to unlock deeper faith and maturity in our life. As I look back on my earlier years of faith and my role as a wife, minister, friend, daughter, etc. I cringe at how easily I hurt people because of my lack of Christ-like character.

I am still appalled, even today, at the thoughts that run like wildfire through my head about others. But, I see them differently than I did before. I see them as destructive and I’m broken over the thought of them.

So, if God puts you in a timeout, ask Him not for what you once had, but instead ask Him for your daily bread. Do not seek for yesterday’s glory or tomorrow’s wishes, but simply be still and present in today. You see, as we learn to rest well in the Lord, He grows our character and our character matters much more to Him than any work we can do for Him.

After all, any good work we could ever do comes as a result of Him working in us. That comes by learning how to listen, heed, and obey. It comes through a transformed character.

Lord, I submit. Thank you for growing me. Thank you for your transforming love. I submit myself to you today because you are good. I trust the journey. Thank you, in Jesus name, Amen

Be a Jonathan….Help Others Seek Reconciliation…

So Jonathan called David and told him the whole conversation. He brought him to Saul, and David was with Saul as before…..1 Sa 19:7).

Jonathan was a reconciler of relationships. He was the middle man who tried to reason between David and Saul so that their relationship might be restored.

Who are you? Are you a Jonathan, or are you someone else? Are you the type of person who keeps people further apart by fueling the fire between them?

Many times, people have come to me sharing their issues with someone else. The things they say are very similar to the story I used to babble off and tell myself.

“They’re just so.”….

“Look what they did to me!”

“Can you believe this?!”

“How can they get away with something like this?”

Essentially what we’re saying is that we’re off the hook, because although we might have messed up just a little bit (if we’re even willing to admit that) this is really all the other person’s fault. Truth is, I have been so foolish and angry to think that someone else was my problem and that very little of our problem had to do with me.

Yet, it is true that the Lord will allow for difficult people to enter into our life. He does it because their presence reveals something in our own life that needs to change. It’s a mystery to us at first about what needs to change until we ask the Lord to search our hearts and show us why.

It’s easy to point the finger, but honestly, whenever a relationship breaks down, we must always ask ourselves what role we’ve played in its destruction. Even if it was small, it is still a needed area of growth in our life. When we can get to this point, then, we can become a Jonathan for others.

Stop believing that the world is against you, it’s not. Be a Jonathan for others and help bring people back together. Truly, this is the heart of God.

Lord, forgive me for destructive thoughts I have entertained about others. Help me now to live free. Lord, make me like Jonathan, someone who seeks to restore every relationship, in Jesus name, Amen.

Constant Chaos, King Saul and the Lord’s Peace

“Look, the men are sinning against the LORD by eating meat that has blood in it.”… (1 Sam 14:33).

Life with Saul was constant chaos. There was no consistency or steadfast leadership when Saul reigned as Israel’s king for 42 years. But you see, when you’re led by a king who leads out of their fears and insecurities, that’s what happens.

When I look at my own life, I see how I too have been led, many times by chaotic thinking. Whenever fear and insecurity grip me and I take the bait I always find myself in a place of chaos.

The Lord is pressing me into this season of waiting. In all honesty, its a place where some of my insecurities and fears are being pressed, but I’m tired of being like King Saul.

Instead, I want to be like Elijah who trusted God to send the ravens to provide for him. I want to be like the persistent widow who kept coming and never gave up. I want to be like Anna who always found herself in the presence of God. Therefore, she was able to recognize and see the things of God before others.

I often wonder how many of us are actually hearing from God? I don’t know about you, but more often than I care to admit, what I’m hearing is some type of version of what I want God to say. Instead of submitting myself to His reign and rule, life feels better when my life can feel a bit safer. At least, it feels safer to me.

What God is showing me in this season is that as we submit ourselves to His Lordship and choose to be fully present in the seat that He has asked us to sit in- we leave the chaos. Yes, we leave it all behind because now we can enter into a place of true rest with our Father.

This is so weird for me because I’ve always been a very busy person. Busyness made me feel productive. Not being extremely busy makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.

I think what God is teaching me, is that busyness distracts us from those things that keep us from chaos. Look at your own heart and ask yourself, what’s leading me? God’s peace or King Saul’s chaos?

Be willing to wait a little longer than you’d hoped for God. Sometimes it takes a bit longer to calm our worry because we have to allow God to break something in us first. As we tell ourselves a new story about His Lordship and reign over our lives.

Lord, I submit myself to this present season. I thank you that in it all you are so very good. Thank you for the desert seasons. Thank you for your joy. Thank you for Jesus, Amen.

King Me…Is a Problem…

No, we want a king to rule over us’—even though the LORD your God was your king….(1 Sa 12:12).

I often forget that King Heather has no place in my life. Whenever she shows up she messes with every relationship close to her. She cuts down her husband. She puts herself above him and others. She sees herself as high and mighty in her decision making. She is the king of her own making. Certainly, one she feels as though is pretty great and should be honored.

Maybe you’ve set up a king within your own heart too. One that leads out of what you believe if what’s best for you. In doing so, selfishness becomes your greatest idol as you see yourself as royalty.

That kind of king, that I have seen rise up in me, is really just afraid. She’s afraid to let go of control and release her need to be king. She doesn’t trust others. The thought of letting go and granting them leadership feels scary and uncertain. So she hangs on tight to her irrational and selfish fears instead of letting go to make herself a servant before them.

King Heather shows up a lot in my marriage. She’s the person that thinks she deserves much more attention, more praise, and much more adoration. What ends up happening, is that instead of loving, serving, and giving of myself to my husband and daughter, my mind becomes so captured with me that I can’t hardly think to prioritize them.

I’ve met people, like myself, who love to set the spotlight on themself, talk about themself, and have others listen to what they’re going through. Yet when the spotlight shifts to someone else, they’re distracted, not listening or off in their head somewhere else. They’d much rather think about themselves.

The Lord has been challenging me in this season to put down the devices, stop going in my mind to somewhere different, and to simply be present with people. To ask for my daily bread and to seek Him in this present moment for what might be a blessing to those He has given me to love today. I keep thinking, how can I ever learn to be a good shepherd if I do not learn how to love in simple and small ways when no one else is looking?

King Heather loves her place among the people, but I think what God is showing me is that my place among the people is really just an attempt for me to find validation. Instead, what He’s giving me the grace to see is that God validates His beloved ones who seek to serve Him in the shepherd’s field, not for the masses, but for the sheep.

That’s where He prepares His chosen ones as they start to understand that ministry and mission is not about building a personal kingdom. It’s about investing in one that’s already here- God’s Kingdom. Therefore, in order to serve in it, I must first learn how to give of myself to my husband and daughter. They are my most important ministry and I will never fully be engaged in God’s mission without placing them before what I believe my “calling” is. This is where King Heather dies as I make myself like David. Hiding away from the people. Standing there in the shepherd’s field as I learn to lovingly care for those within my field.

Lord, thank you for this season. I want to be faithful to it. Faithful to love as you love. Faithful to serve as you serve. Faithful to be present and not distracted, in Jesus name, Amen.

Saul Threw Spears and So Have I…

Saul answered, “But am I not a Benjamite, from the smallest tribe of Israel, and is not my clan the least of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin?…(1 Sam 9:21). 

Saul was a deeply insecure man who kept trying to prove his worth. Whenever he felt as though his position as king was being threatened he became overwhelmed with hatred towards the person. 

So, Saul threw spears. 

No, really, he became so paranoid at the thought of someone taking his throne that he literally threw spears at them. He did this to young David as he played the harp for Saul. Then, in the latter part of Saul’s reign, he spent most of his time trying to hunt down David and kill him. 

I too have been insanely jealous of others. I’ve felt threatened by them and worried they might look better in the eyes of other people. This has caused me to have hatred in my heart towards them for no reason. It’s caused me to pick up metaphorical spears to throw at them. 

I remember a number of years ago, being very jealous of someone who I was serving in ministry with. Instead of asking myself, what does this person have that I need to cultivate more of in my life that is drawing people to them, I was overcome with jealously. It wasn’t until after deep humbling in my life where I realized that the throne I wanted to sit on was keeping me from being a blessing to others. 

I really don’t think people are looking for a king among God’s people. There are plenty of those running around and quite frankly, there is only one true king; Jesus. I really think they’re looking for someone who’d be willing to wash their feet. 

Saul felt threatened and we will too if we keep leading from places of insecurity. Until we reach a point of finding our security in Christ, we will always look at people, not as someone to love, serve and care for, but as someone who threatens the kingdom we’re trying to create for ourselves. 

Lord, I want to follow you. Help me to live in your love and be a servant to others. I don’t want to lead from a place of insecurity. I want to lead from a place of victory and compassion, in Jesus name, Amen

A Toxic Life

“Is anyone afraid or fainthearted? Let him go home so that his fellow soldiers will not become disheartened too.”…(Dt 20:8).

My life, at times, has become toxic to those around me. In all honesty, I couldn’t really see it at the time, just how sick my soul was and how toxic I had become.

 

Fear, insecurity, the approval of people, pride, the list goes on and on. In the past, these have been things that have motivated me to “work for God.” Yet, the Lord is placing me on a timeout in many ways in my life, because He’s encouraging and strengthening my heart in new ways so that I can better engage with people for the kingdom of God.

 

I’m asking the Lord, even now to use every part of my life to be a blessing to others. If I could be quite honest, sometimes…I simply want others to be a blessing to me. We all want that, don’t we? But, if we keep coming to people expecting them to bless us before we have ever made an attempt to bless them, they will run and hide. Why? Because we have no relational investment in them except to take more and more and more from them.

 

I didn’t see this in the past, but I do now, that my pursuit of building my own platform caused me to use each person who I encountered in ministry as a stepping stone instead of a person to love. You see when you’re busy building your own kingdom you’ve got a big reputation to build for yourself.

 

Yet, Jesus sought no such thing. Instead of using people as building blocks to get ahead He sat with them, listened to them, and spent time with them. Yes, He performed miracles and did great and mighty acts. However, I wonder if the thing that Jesus did that was most miraculous was not His many miracles, but His boundless mercy and time spent with others.

 

You and I can practice that same kind of mercy towards others. We can choose to be a blessing. We can certainly live to give of ourselves to serve one soul at a time. Truly, as we walk with others towards the unconditional love of God it will take our time, energy, and effort to make it happen- one soul at a time.

 

Lord, I want to love others as you did. Help me now to give of my time, energy, talents, and treasures to build into people. Yes, Lord, I want to do that for you, in Jesus name, Amen.

Angels Attended Him

He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him….(Mark 1:13).

A desert is always a place God takes His faithful ones to experience a time of testing.

 

I am seeing this to be true in my life. I am experiencing the enemy trying to throw things at me that will get me to cave and give into sin. He’s trying to push all the right buttons in me and I’m desperately trying to listen to the Lord and not get caught up in all of my fears.

 

You see, while Jesus was taken to the desert, where He fasted for 40 days, the Bible tells us that He was with the wild animals and angels attended Him. We must remember that in every season, there will always be wild animals sent to scare us into destruction. Yet, God always provides us with His protection. Truly, there are always angels among us whom God sends to strengthen His faithful ones. Ministering spirits who remind us of the grace of God and help us when wild animals are surrounding us.

 

I say this a lot, but life is really all about our perspective. Circumstances are always changing, but if we’re willing to look for it and rejoice in it, there is always a silver lining in the desert. There’s always a glimpse of God’s grace amongst the wild animals. His angels are always among us if we are willing to look for them.

 

Don’t fear the desert, but embrace it as God’s gift to you; one of His faithful warriors. Yes, you, God’s beloved child who has not been sent to the desert to die, but instead to learn how to trust and find even greater joy and satisfaction in life.

 

Lord, I trust you. Thank you for your constant silver lining of grace in desert seasons. Truly, you are a good and faithful God. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being my King. Thank you for growing in me in the desert, in Jesus name, Amen.

I’ve Never Been One to Notice the Finer Details….

Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”…(1 Sa 3:10). 

I’ve never been one who notices details well. I’ve always had a hard time seeing the finer things that take a little more time to notice. I once had a professor in college who told me I really needed to proofread my papers a little better. You see, I’ve always been the type of person that instead of staying a little longer in the moment, to notice the finer details, I’d rather move on to the next big project or exciting thing to do on my to-do list. 

The Lord is pressing me into this season where’s He’s removing much of my to-do list so that I’ll learn to sit with Him and, maybe for the first time, start noticing the finer details. 

Instead of rushing from one exciting thing to the next, I sense the Lord calling me into a place of listening. A place where He’s asking me to trust Him and notice the finer details of the people He’s surrounded me with. 

There are times after my daughter finishes eating when we just lay together and enjoy one another’s company. I love that time together as I take note of the finer details of who she is. Her joy, her silly hair, and that toothless grin. I just get so wrapped up in it. 

I think, what God is showing me is that I rarely do this with others. You see, what I want to do is help people become their very best, but I think what God is showing me is that in order to do that I must be willing to sit with them, taking note of the finer details of who God has made them. This means I must learn to study them, taking note of the finer details, not of what they do or can accomplish, but who they are as image-bearers of God. 

Lord, I am listening. You have my full attention. Help me to take note of the people around me and to see them as you see them. I want to help others become their very best. Lord, give me wisdom and grace to love others as you would, I pray, in Jesus name, Amen.