So Jonathan called David and told him the whole conversation. He brought him to Saul, and David was with Saul as before…..1 Sa 19:7).
“Look, the men are sinning against the LORD by eating meat that has blood in it.”… (1 Sam 14:33).
No, we want a king to rule over us’—even though the LORD your God was your king….(1 Sa 12:12).
I often forget that King Heather has no place in my life. Whenever she shows up she messes with every relationship close to her. She cuts down her husband. She puts herself above him and others. She sees herself as high and mighty in her decision making. She is the king of her own making. Certainly, one she feels as though is pretty great and should be honored.
Maybe you’ve set up a king within your own heart too. One that leads out of what you believe if what’s best for you. In doing so, selfishness becomes your greatest idol as you see yourself as royalty.
That kind of king, that I have seen rise up in me, is really just afraid. She’s afraid to let go of control and release her need to be king. She doesn’t trust others. The thought of letting go and granting them leadership feels scary and uncertain. So she hangs on tight to her irrational and selfish fears instead of letting go to make herself a servant before them.
King Heather shows up a lot in my marriage. She’s the person that thinks she deserves much more attention, more praise, and much more adoration. What ends up happening, is that instead of loving, serving, and giving of myself to my husband and daughter, my mind becomes so captured with me that I can’t hardly think to prioritize them.
I’ve met people, like myself, who love to set the spotlight on themself, talk about themself, and have others listen to what they’re going through. Yet when the spotlight shifts to someone else, they’re distracted, not listening or off in their head somewhere else. They’d much rather think about themselves.
The Lord has been challenging me in this season to put down the devices, stop going in my mind to somewhere different, and to simply be present with people. To ask for my daily bread and to seek Him in this present moment for what might be a blessing to those He has given me to love today. I keep thinking, how can I ever learn to be a good shepherd if I do not learn how to love in simple and small ways when no one else is looking?
King Heather loves her place among the people, but I think what God is showing me is that my place among the people is really just an attempt for me to find validation. Instead, what He’s giving me the grace to see is that God validates His beloved ones who seek to serve Him in the shepherd’s field, not for the masses, but for the sheep.
That’s where He prepares His chosen ones as they start to understand that ministry and mission is not about building a personal kingdom. It’s about investing in one that’s already here- God’s Kingdom. Therefore, in order to serve in it, I must first learn how to give of myself to my husband and daughter. They are my most important ministry and I will never fully be engaged in God’s mission without placing them before what I believe my “calling” is. This is where King Heather dies as I make myself like David. Hiding away from the people. Standing there in the shepherd’s field as I learn to lovingly care for those within my field.
Lord, thank you for this season. I want to be faithful to it. Faithful to love as you love. Faithful to serve as you serve. Faithful to be present and not distracted, in Jesus name, Amen.
Saul answered, “But am I not a Benjamite, from the smallest tribe of Israel, and is not my clan the least of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin?…(1 Sam 9:21).
Saul was a deeply insecure man who kept trying to prove his worth. Whenever he felt as though his position as king was being threatened he became overwhelmed with hatred towards the person.
So, Saul threw spears.
No, really, he became so paranoid at the thought of someone taking his throne that he literally threw spears at them. He did this to young David as he played the harp for Saul. Then, in the latter part of Saul’s reign, he spent most of his time trying to hunt down David and kill him.
I too have been insanely jealous of others. I’ve felt threatened by them and worried they might look better in the eyes of other people. This has caused me to have hatred in my heart towards them for no reason. It’s caused me to pick up metaphorical spears to throw at them.
I remember a number of years ago, being very jealous of someone who I was serving in ministry with. Instead of asking myself, what does this person have that I need to cultivate more of in my life that is drawing people to them, I was overcome with jealously. It wasn’t until after deep humbling in my life where I realized that the throne I wanted to sit on was keeping me from being a blessing to others.
I really don’t think people are looking for a king among God’s people. There are plenty of those running around and quite frankly, there is only one true king; Jesus. I really think they’re looking for someone who’d be willing to wash their feet.
Saul felt threatened and we will too if we keep leading from places of insecurity. Until we reach a point of finding our security in Christ, we will always look at people, not as someone to love, serve and care for, but as someone who threatens the kingdom we’re trying to create for ourselves.
Lord, I want to follow you. Help me to live in your love and be a servant to others. I don’t want to lead from a place of insecurity. I want to lead from a place of victory and compassion, in Jesus name, Amen
“Is anyone afraid or fainthearted? Let him go home so that his fellow soldiers will not become disheartened too.”…(Dt 20:8).
He was with the wild animals, and angels attended him….(Mark 1:13).
Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”…(1 Sa 3:10).
I’ve never been one who notices details well. I’ve always had a hard time seeing the finer things that take a little more time to notice. I once had a professor in college who told me I really needed to proofread my papers a little better. You see, I’ve always been the type of person that instead of staying a little longer in the moment, to notice the finer details, I’d rather move on to the next big project or exciting thing to do on my to-do list.
The Lord is pressing me into this season where’s He’s removing much of my to-do list so that I’ll learn to sit with Him and, maybe for the first time, start noticing the finer details.
Instead of rushing from one exciting thing to the next, I sense the Lord calling me into a place of listening. A place where He’s asking me to trust Him and notice the finer details of the people He’s surrounded me with.
There are times after my daughter finishes eating when we just lay together and enjoy one another’s company. I love that time together as I take note of the finer details of who she is. Her joy, her silly hair, and that toothless grin. I just get so wrapped up in it.
I think, what God is showing me is that I rarely do this with others. You see, what I want to do is help people become their very best, but I think what God is showing me is that in order to do that I must be willing to sit with them, taking note of the finer details of who God has made them. This means I must learn to study them, taking note of the finer details, not of what they do or can accomplish, but who they are as image-bearers of God.
Lord, I am listening. You have my full attention. Help me to take note of the people around me and to see them as you see them. I want to help others become their very best. Lord, give me wisdom and grace to love others as you would, I pray, in Jesus name, Amen.